A Witch Walks into a bar

A Metaphorical Story

This guy walks into a bar. Long story short, it's a bar of witches, who teach him their ways, and he goes off and starts to train others. The initiatory ritual is based on the rites of Elusis ('cause, why not) but instead of the revelation of a single stalk of wheat, at the culmination of the rite - a pretzel stick is revealed. This tradition is known as the "Order of the snack" and spreads far and wide. Years later, one of it's preistesses has this sexy guy she wants to initiate. But - and here's the rub - he's got a gluten allergy. So no pretzels. Plus carbs are bad for you. So she re-writes the initiatory script, and thus is born the pickle initiation. She doesn't think it's really a big deal (or maybe she does) and pretty much doesn't shout about the changes that she made.

Years later, members of the Order of the Snack get together at a bar to watch a really big game, and they get to drinking, and they get to talking, and things seem to be going okay, and then casually, one of the pretzel initiates offers one of the pickle initiates a snack. And she says "A pretzel? Don't you have any pickles?".

This comment stuns the bar into silence. Not for too long, though, and the situation quickly devolves into a drunken brawl and all the furniture in the bar is broken. When there is no more furniture to throw, all the pretzel stick initiates gather on one side, and all the pickle initiates gather on the other side and shout at each other.

The content of this shouting boils down to the pickle initiate saying "we are the same as you".

The pretzel initiates shouting back "are not! are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not - no backs!"

After seventeen hours of this, one of the initiates says "for god's sakes SHUT UP" and since she's got theatre training, and she's been mostly quiet, and everyone else is hoarse from all the shouting, she does indeed shut them up.

She walks to the center of the room, and points back to the side she came from. "I trained with them, so I know what that does". Then she points to a random person from the other side and says "Now I'll train with you. In three years, I'll come back, and then I'll tell you if you two are the same or not."

The crowd pauses, thinking about this.

Then she adds. "And regardless of who is different or not different, after the game, we'll all get drunk together."

Everyone agrees.

There are two morals to this story:

#1 Put up or shut up

#2 When all is said and done, we can always party together. Or find some sort of common ground.